Congratulations on (almost) reaching 2020.
Assuming you’re reading this on the day it’s been published, December 31st, we’d like to be the first to congratulate you on achieving that well-earned hangover we know is on it’s way. We hope it will be worth tomorrow’s residual cause and effect symptoms.
Well done. You have our heartiest praise, and tomorrow, on January 1st, our empathetic condolences. And no, you most certainly are not failing as an adult. Alas, know you aren’t alone. Tomorrow is National Hangover Day. No surprise there, right? Since we’re confident you already know how to achieve this temporary malady/accomplishment, we will strive to assist you with your speedy recovery. No sense in wasting sick or vacation days so soon in the new year. Of course the www offers a zillion methods, suggestions, theories and otherwise. We’re promoting the funniest, and/or most reasonable tips to accommodate the masses, so lets shuffle on to the actual tips:
- Avoid the hair of the dog. You’re delaying the inevitable. And you do eventually have to go to work.
- Sit in the shower and rinse the smell off. This may also help others to help you.
- Wear soft clothes. This may prevent further sensory overload. It may not, but you’ll be comfy.
- Re-hydrate with anything within arms reach, but add honey to it. Honey cures everything almost.
- The crazy youth population recommend Pedialyte: minerals and salt and potassium though not scientifically proven to help, nor are the sports drinks.
- Medicate if you don’t have to do a pharmacy run: antacids, aspirins and anti-inflammatories. Anything within arms reach really.
- Food. Lots of food. Again, any food group will suffice really. The more calories and carbs the better. They soak up the hooch. Nothing scientific can back up this last statement. It’s just a hunch. But you can sleep it off more easily with a full tummy. I think that’s been proven.
The obvious tip is obvious, so we won’t go there. After all, tomorrow is a national holiday and we all know what we’re supposed to do. So we do. But every body is a unique chemical wonder, and there just isn’t a one-size-fits-all cure. Except soft clothes and a couch and water. We highly recommend a shower too, sitting down.
Since it’s December 31st, imbibe, guilt-free. It’s New Years Eve! WAHOO! Make those silly temporary resolutions and put a soft waterproof chair or bench in the shower in preparation for tomorrow. Everything is easier sitting down on January 1st. Bottoms down.
Happy New Year from all of your sodden friends at Cleveland Whiskey. Please keep your voices down.